Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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