I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was born a porn star she said
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
