I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
