She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
