So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
