So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The uberlube is also flammable
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
