just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
