Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
