I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize