Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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