Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
