woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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