do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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