you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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