all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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