last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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