Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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