so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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