If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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