All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
