using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
