Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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