Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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