I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
