Sponge bath it is.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
