I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
