just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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