I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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