I must be too annoying 4 u.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
