You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize