Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
