I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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