That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
