is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
