i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
