I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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