That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
