Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
