I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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