was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
