I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
