Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
