I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
