i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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