if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
