if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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