I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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