thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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