She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
