I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
