how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
