So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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