i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
