You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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