What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
