the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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