i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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