loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
