So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
