Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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