we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
