Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
